Anyone who has ever loved has at some stage succumbed to jealousy. You’d be superhuman not to feel a tinge of unease when your partner admires an attractive woman or gushes over a female colleague’s fabulous sense of humour. Also, because we’re partnering later in life, we’re bringing a past full of exes into our new relationships and giving the green-eyed monster more opportunity to strike.
Overcome the jealousy
Start with the facts
Is there something going on or are you indulging in your own jealous fantasies? “If there’s no evidence, ask, ‘What’s going on with me?’” says Bambling. “Am I unsatisfied with aspects of the relationship? Am I feeling under-appreciated? Is this about my self-image? Am I being insecure?” Once you pinpoint the issue, you can work on yourself or with your partner to resolve it.
Don’t expect to rip the jealousy out by the roots
“You can’t expect to trust someone 100 per cent, especially if you’ve been hurt before,” says Johnson. “Allow your mistrust and trust to sit side by side and gradually let yourself be more secure with your partner.”
Notice what your partner does to show his love and trustworthiness
“Jealousy can focus our minds so keenly on threat that we close ourselves off to the very love that we crave,” says Johnson. “Open yourself up to the love that your partner is offering and allow yourself to treasure it.”
Don’t go in with an accusation
“Men typically go on the defensive whether they’re guilty or not,” says Bambling. “Say, ‘There are times when I feel you might like other women more than me tie it down to an example and I’m not sure how to interpret that.’ If he gets defensive, add, ‘I’m not angry, I just want to know how you’re feeling about me.’” He’ll get the message and, hopefully, you’ll receive the clarification you need.
For more information, pick up the October issue of Good Health magazine at magshop.co.nz.