Answer: I take it you want to bring up the subject with your wife to make your fantasy of a threesome a reality. So my first piece of advice is to think twice about this. And my second piece of advice: then think very carefully again, and then think a third and fourth time. Reflect on why you need to experiment sexually in this way and what you think will be gained, not just for yourself, but for your wife and relationship too.

Think too not just about what may be gained, but also what might be lost and what the cost to your relationship might be. It's really important you do this, even if you may not want to because you are reluctant to pour cold water on your fantasy.

In all probability there is more to be lost or cost, than gained, but it's vital that you reflect on this. Acting out a threesome entails complex issues and it’s always best if it's thought through before you make a move.

Threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasies. In any combination, they can hold great erotic appeal for both men and women. But even when both partners share the fantasy and are excited about the prospect of turning the fantasy into a reality, the aftermath can be devastating to the relationship, and for both partners. It is hard for any alluring fantasy to live up to that ideal in reality. What’s more, engaging in a threesome opens a complicated box of issues unlike most other sexual experimentation.

This is primarily because there is another person involved. This can bring up jealousies, but also a variable to negotiate because unless you're in an open relationship, your sexual activity is confined to just negotiating the needs of the two of you. This changes when you invite a third person into the mix.

First of all, there should be agreed upon rules. Who do you invite into your bedroom? Is it a stranger or someone you know? Can you agree on the person? It’s often wisest if you choose someone you aren’t in an existing relationship with, such as a close friend. If it’s the first time you're doing this, and it doesn’t go well, it's much easier to put it behind you as a couple if you don't have to see the person again.

Can you deal with jealousy? Have you and your partner gone out and flirted like mad with other people? How did that experiment go? And if you haven't tried that, do it. Test yourselves. Find out where your boundaries are. Because once you have a threesome, you can't go back, you can’t undo it. Those images of your loved one with another person in bed are burned onto your brain forever. So it's really important to be cautious.

And that means no decision making on alcohol or drugs. That will skyrocket your odds that one of you will regret something about the experience, if not the whole thing. If you need alcohol or drugs to decide to do it, or to go through with it, then it's the wrong thing for you to be doing.

As to how to bring it up, choose a moment to bring up the topic of your sex life in general, how things could be spicier, and ask her what she'd like too. Then if she doesn't ask you what you'd like, ask her if you can share something you'd like to try and then just out and suggest it, and gage her reaction. If she's completely opposed to the idea, don't push it. And if she’s alarmed that you're bored or suggesting this because you're tempted to cheat, or curious about sex with another man, be honest with her. You're married and it's important to be real with one another. And if she's open to the idea, set your ground rules and proceed with absolute caution because as I've said, this is often not a good idea outside the world of fantasy. Good luck.