Question: I am in my late twenties and involved with a married man. He says he will leave his wife in a year so we can be together. Should I keep seeing him in the meantime or wait until after he’s made the break? I really like him.
Answer: Stop! Leave! Get out now! I don’t know how long you’ve been seeing this married — Hello married! — man, but free yourself from this situation n-o-w.
You are facing two choices: 1) he strings you along while he stays married, tempting and placating you with false "Really, truly honestly, honey I’m going to leave her, it’s just a matter of time" promises, in which case you will lose valuable months or years, attached to a man who can never really be yours.
Or 2) he is really going to divorce his wife in a year, in which case you are straddled with a man who is about to go through the trauma of a divorce. And that's if he sticks to his timeline which is a whole year away.
Why not now? How can he justify leaving you in limbo with him (but only sort of secretly with him, mind you) for all that time? How can you justify it to yourself? Messy divorce or not, it spells disaster for you.
If it is real love between you, and he made a mistake with his first marriage and truly wants to be with you, and only you, from now on (and can you believe that? Really?), then step aside while he leaves his marriage.
You must play no, or as little as possible, part in the dissolution of his current relationship. Let that be his decision to make alone and if you do choose to stay together in the end, your distance during his divorce decision-making will only give your relationship a firmer foundation — because it's already shaky and could use some higher ground. But also take the time out for you.
Make the space in your life to clearly evaluate whether he really is the one for you, to see if he really does leave his wife, and honestly does want to be with only you — and not simply you "on the side". Yes, okay, you may really like him. But take a good hard look at the man you are so "in love" with, and determine if he’s worth the wait.
Remember, right now, he is married and you are single. You’re young and single and have so many possibilities ahead of you. Examine your head — what advice would you give a friend in this situation? Beware, be careful and be smart with your heart.
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